The Baby Boomer’s Guide to Dating Part 2
A week later we returned to Dr. Lee Vittalone’s office in Beverly Hills to resume the interview about dating and sex among baby boomers. Dr. Lee, as he prefers to be called, is the author of a new book called Sex after Fifty, which is selling well at a flea market kiosk in south Los Angeles. After seeing his luxurious office, furnished in early American Ikea, we came to the conclusion that his real income must come from the outsourcing service he and his associates provide for movie studios. Dr. Lee was pleasant and friendly and had just obtained a contract from Time-Warner to outsource acting jobs, along with the actors, to India.
FBO: Doctor, last time we met you were about to give us some tips on dating and sex for boomers. Could you elaborate?
Dr. Lee: Sure. You want some pasta first? I can order out.
FBO: No thank-you.
Dr. Lee: Okay, suit yourself. What do you want to know?
FBO: Where are the women? haha. No, seriously, how are single boomers connecting with each other these days?
Dr. Lee: You need to get out more. We can chat about that later. So, you want to know where boomers are connecting? Well, you know that malt shops and record stores are gone now, but the modern equivalent is what they call an online dating service.
FBO: Do they work for people? They advertise that thousands of people are meeting up and getting married. Is that true?
Dr. Lee: They work about as well as classified ads in the back of a newspaper, or tacking flyers up on phone poles. Next they will be putting pictures on milk cartons so you can pick a mate over breakfast or coffee.
FBO: Kind of a new spin on “Coffeemate” huh?
Dr. Lee: (silence)
FBO: Um, okay. So walk us through using an online service for dating if you would.
Dr. Lee. Okay, it’s simple. You give them a credit card and pay a monthly fee. Then you fill out a profile and lie about your genetic flaws, add an old picture from 15 years ago, and make a list of things you enjoy, or want to do, like walk on the beach or fly space shuttles. That’s it. Then you send notes to others or wait for them to send notes to you.
FBO: What kind of notes?
Dr. Lee: Usually stuff like “You look hot, take that off and cool down with me,” or “I love your brain so much I could eat it.”
FBO: Is that how Lecter Hannibal got started?
Dr. Lee: (silence)
FBO: What are some things to watch out for?
Dr. Lee: Older women. They are called “cougars.” They are looking for younger men.
FBO: How old is “older?”
Dr. Lee: The oldest one reported so far was 92. She told young men she was a witch, and that if they made love to her she’d grant them any wish they wanted, money, anything.
FBO: And young men went for it?
Dr. Lee: Sure. Quite a few. When she had her way she’d ask them how old they were, most were around 30 or so. Then she’d laugh and tell them, “silly boy, you’re 30 and you still believe in witches!”
FBO: I’m not sure I can believe that story.
Dr. Lee: I’m not either. What next?
FBO: What about sex? Boomers seem really unhappy with it. What can you tell them to improve their sex lives?
Dr. Lee: Well, for starters, having sex more than once a decade helps, and having a partner for sex helps too. But I don’t discourage toys, especially for women.
FBO: Oh, like the “rabbit” they talked about on Sex and the City? Haven’t studies shown that they make a woman feel more isolated and alone?
Dr. Lee: Exactly. Just like having a husband for 30 years only without having to cook and clean.
FBO: What about men? What can they do to enhance their sex lives?
Dr. Lee: You really have to ask that?
FBO: Well, studies show that…
Dr. Lee: Oh studies schmudies. Women are about quality, men are about quantity. She wants better, he wants more. Get real. Boomers have no lock on that market, it’s been that way since the dawn of time. Oona put on a fur pelt and wanted a compliment. Og wanted her to take the fur off and…hey, it’s lunchtime. You want some pasta?
FBO: No, thanks. I have a lunch date after this.
Dr. Lee: Oh, good for you. She nice?
FBO: It’s a he, Brother Jonathan. I’m joining a monastery.
Dr. Lee: Oh, sorry to hear that. Anything else you want to know? I’m hungry.
FBO: One last question, about your credentials. Where did you do your graduate studies on the subject of sexual behavior?
Dr. Lee: Paramus, New Jersey. You can learn a lot hanging around malls. That it?
FBO: Thank-you for your time. It was a pleasure.
Dr. Lee: Sure, sure. Now, like we say in the movie business, get outa here.
Note: In May, 2010, AARP conducted a survey on sex, romance and relationships among people over the age of 45. The survey found that men think about sex more often than women and view it as more important to their quality of life. Also, men engage in sexual activity more often than women, are less satisfied without a partner and are more likely to admit to having sex with another partner outside a steady relationship. Overall, among both men and women, frequency of sex and overall a satisfaction with it were down almost 10% from a similar survey conducted in 2004.
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