The Baby Boomer’s Guide to Dating Part 1
The following is an interview with Dr. Lee Vittalone, author of
the book,Sex After 50, A Guide for Baby Boomers. Dr. Vittalone is a slender and very well- groomed middle-aged man with lots of hair, and who talks a lot like Danny DeVito. He is a little-known NJ psychologist now living in Beverly Hills where his 4-step program, “Get Outa Here,” is popular with studios that use it to help aging actors transition into early retirement.
His last self-published book, Whatya Gonna Do About It? Online Dating for Italian-Americans, was a best seller in Wayne, NJ. We caught up with Dr. Vittalone at the Il Parmagiani restaurant a few blocks from downtown Beverly Hills. He prefers to be called just Dr. Lee because “that Phil guy does it and he makes a mint.”
FBO: So what made you decide to write a book about baby boomers and sex?
Dr. Lee: It’s really about dating, not so much sex, but whenever you put “sex” in the title you can double sales. You want some pasta?
FBO: No thanks. So why baby boomers? You seem to specialize in helping actors retire.
Dr. Lee: Exactly. Actors are baby boomers too you know. They may be pretty for a while but even they have to get used to the idea of getting off the set. Boomers are like actors about to get kicked out of the studio. It’s tough.
FBO: The introduction to your book states that it’s not for married couples because, quote, “they may have to beg for it but at least they’ve got someone to beg from.” What about people who are married but discontented with what they have and want a divorce to start over?
Dr. Lee: That’s not a good thing for them to do at this age.
FBO: Getting out of a bad situation is not good?
Dr. Lee: It depends. You don’t sell a house every time the floors get dirty do you? No. You mop the floors. Marriage is like that. It’s about mopping up all the time. Just remember to change the water now and then.
FBO: Mop…water? Um, okay, um…then what about unmarried boomers? What is the dating scene like today for them?
Dr. Lee: If you don’t have money for botox and a personal trainer, it sucks. If you do have money it still sucks.
FBO: And sex? How can boomers find contentment with sex?
Dr. Lee: Not gonna happen. Forget about it. Leave it to the kids. Boomers need to move on. Get a hobby. Go back to basketweaving. Protest a war. Anything but sex. Geez they’ve had enough of that for the next three generations already and they’re still miserable.
FBO: But there was just a study done that boomers are having a lot of sex and are the highest at-risk group for STD’s and HIV. What about that?
Dr. Lee: Boomers are notorious liars. Back in the ‘80’s, did you ever meet a boomer who admitted to voting for Reagan? And how many boomers do you know who “didn’t inhale”?
FBO: I see your point.
Dr. Lee: Plus, there’s another survey that says boomers are just plain unhappy with their sex lives. Sure they’re unhappy. Only a few of them even have a sex life anymore. Excluding politicians of course. Do the numbers. There are like five couples somewhere in the US that are still having sex at all.
FBO: So what are people doing about that?
Dr. Lee: You don’t want to know. Trust me.
FBO: But isn’t that what the book is about?
Dr. Lee: Yeh, but I’m having lunch here. Can’t we talk about stuff like that some other time? Hey, you want some pasta?
My next session with Dr. Lee took place several days later at his office, where I met several female actors, but none seemed close to retirement age. Our interview picked up where we left off at the restaurant.
Dr. Lee: You want some pasta? I can order out.
FBO: No, thank-you. I’d like to get back to what’s going on in the dating world and then maybe get some tips on dating in the modern age.
Dr. Lee: Oh yeah? You got a problem? Need a girl? I can introduce you…
FBO: Oh no, nothing like that. I meant tips you would give to any boomer about dating in general.
Dr. Lee: Okay. Got it. Well it’s like this. Women don’t feel loved, men don’t feel loved, nobody feels loved. For a generation that was all about “love, love, love all you need is love,” that’s a bad thing. Then again, maybe there was too much emphasis on love.
FBO: So what you’re saying is that there is a growing number of unhappy boomers who divorce and are single after the age of 50? I suppose they think they can make a fresh start, a new life, no?
Dr. Lee: No, what I’m saying is that married people aren’t getting enough sex. So they get divorced, have big dreams, maybe a fling or two and badda bing it’s back to being miserable only this time it’s alone.
FBO: So should boomers have flings but stay married?
Dr. Lee: A lot of them already did that. No, the answer to all of this is…hey, I’m sorry but our time is up. I have another patient in just a few minutes.
FBO: I’m not a patient, I just…
Dr. Lee: Of course. Just set it up with Sally out there. See you next time.
At that point I decided to go ahead and spend $375 for another hour with Dr. Lee and made an appointment at the front desk. In part two of this interview, I will get him to reveal some real dating and sex tips for single boomers. As for all you married folks, we have a special article on Christmas shopping and tree-trimming coming up in a few weeks.
Note: A recent poll by the Associated Press showed that over 60% of female boomers believe they know all there is to know about sex, while only 48% of male boomers have such confidence. However, 56% of women also report a decline in their sex drive, compared to only 46% of men, and 48% of men complain that their partners don’t want to have sex often enough. So, statistically, if 44% of boomer women don’t have a lower sex drive and 52% of boomer men are satisfied, do some women have multiple partners or are 8% of men…oh nevermind.
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